★ OFFICIAL RECRUITMENT NOTICE ★ DEPT. OF HYPOCRISY ★
DRAFT
BONE
SPURS
EXEMPT
×5 ❌
FINALLY
YOUR TURN
A Patriotic Announcement for America's Bravest Family
★ ★ ★ ★ ★
👴
THE DON
COMMANDER IN CHIEF
OF AVOIDING
🦅
DON JR.
VERY ONLINE
VERY SAFE
🦆
ERIC
JUST HAPPY
TO BE HERE
THEY LOVE THE TROOPS SO MUCH
NOW THEY CAN JOIN THEM
🎖️
Robert Mueller
🟣 Purple Heart
🥉 Bronze Star
⭐ Navy Commendation Medal
⭐ Combat Action Ribbon
🇻🇳 Served in Vietnam — Wounded in Combat
🤡
Donald Trump
🦶 Bone Spur (×5)
🏌️ Golf Handicap: Very Classified
🪞 Bronze Face (Spray-On Valor)
📺 Served on Reality TV
🗣️ "I always wanted a Purple Heart"
"One earned a Bronze Star leading men into fire.
The other earned a bronze face from a spray tan booth."
Pulled out of the Iran Nuclear Deal (JCPOA) in 2018 that was actually working — inspectors confirmed compliance 11 times.
Ordered the assassination of Gen. Soleimani on Iraqi soil — nearly triggered a full-scale war. Iran retaliated with ballistic missiles on U.S. bases. Over 100 troops suffered traumatic brain injuries.
Called those brain injuries "headaches." The troops disagreed.
Imposed "maximum pressure" sanctions — Iran resumed enriching uranium to 60%, closer to weapons-grade than before the deal existed.
No new deal. No diplomacy. Just escalation, tweets, and a region left less stable than he found it.
🦅 🇺🇸 🦅
* Bone spurs will be re-evaluated by actual doctors this time.
• Loafers, lifts, and spray-tan booths are not standard issue.
• Twitter/Truth Social access NOT available in the field.
• "I know more than the generals" will be tested on Day 1.
• Hair must meet grooming standards. No exceptions. None.
• Claiming a Purple Heart you didn't earn is still stolen valor.
★ THIS MESSAGE PAID FOR BY CONCERNED VETERANS OF REALITY ★